butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
