They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
