Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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