Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
