mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize