New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize