i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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