I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize