i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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