if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
