She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
