Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
