there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I just found a bag of teeth...
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize