You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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