bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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