You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
