i need an iv and a liver transplant
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
