Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
