I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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