Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
