Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
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