I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
My vagina just clenched in fear
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