During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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