I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
