I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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