"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
