And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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