i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize