So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
