well I can't set my house on fire every night
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
