Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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