no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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