Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
