I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize