You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
