My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
