i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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