Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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