my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
