Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize