flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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