I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize