Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
