I'm so fucking centered right now
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
