She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
