whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
