I look better un-naked...
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
