I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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