Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize