I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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