Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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