you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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