i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
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