what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
