Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
