I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
