She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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