Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize