When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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