Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
