You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
