I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
