I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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