I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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