Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
