woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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