I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just want nice things and good sex
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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